Sex is so much more complex than we realize or would like to admit. In a perfect scenario everything is aligned — your head matches your heart which matches your body’s response. In many instances, however, that's not the case. Different systems within our bodies are working independently from each other leading to confusing and frustrating situations at best, traumatizing events at worst.

Arousal non-concordance refers to a state in which our mental and emotional experience of desire does not match our physical and bodily reactions.

This can be manifested in the following scenarios:

• I’m turned on by this and I want it, but my vagina is not naturally lubricating.

• I’m turned on by this and I want it, but I’m not able to get an erection.

• I’m NOT turned on and I do NOT want to have sex, but I involuntarily get an erection.

• I’m NOT turned on and I do NOT want to have sex, but my vagina is naturally lubricating and I involuntarily experience an orgasm.

The last two scenarios are especially important to be aware of as they may have life changing ramifications if not properly addressed or communicated. Due to arousal non-concordance, it’s entirely possible for a rape victim to experience an orgasm during her assault. Likewise, men can have an erection while they’re being assaulted. Unfortunately, due to the nature of the topic, this type of information is rarely openly discussed. If more people knew about this, we could help rape survivors make sense of their experience and create a safe space in which healing can take place, rather than blaming or shaming them for events and physical responses that were completely outside of their control.

Please share this information with friends.