The experience of rape is too big, too complex, too raw, too painful for me to explore in a single post. I hope that by breaking it up into smaller pieces, and by bringing to light the many ways in which arousal non-concordance is experienced, it will reach those that need to understand it, make sense of it, heal from it.

The physical violation and psychological trauma inflicted on rape survivors will manifest in many different ways. Emotionally speaking, women and men will experience feelings of numbness, shame, fear, anger, depression, loneliness, powerlessness and guilt. Guilt and shame that it was their fault, that they brought it upon themselves, that they could have done something differently, that they deserved it. Psychologically, survivors are trying to make sense of their experience, and rather than blaming the perpetrator they internalize it, taking full responsibility for what happened. This sense of responsibility is brought on by two factors: social institutions (e.g. the legal system) which have a tendency of siding with the perpetrator, either dismissing the case entirely or putting the blame on the victim, and the degree of internal locus control experienced by the survivor.

Locus control refers to the extent to which an individual feels they’re in control of their actions and events in their life. Someone with an external locus control will understand his/her experiences as a product of bad or good luck (ie. they don’t have any control over what happens to them). Contrarily, a person with an internal locus control makes sense of events and outcomes based on their own abilities. If someone with an internal locus control does not pass an exam, it’s not because the subject was difficult to master, but because they didn’t study enough. In a similar way, rape survivors with an internal locus control will understand the experience of rape through this lens. One could say that they’re also trying to take back their agency which was so horribly taken away from them; to gain control by putting themselves back in the driver’s seat.

On a somatic level, men and women can experience sickness in various forms. Physical symptoms may include nausea, headaches, gastrointestinal problems, genital injuries, pelvic pain, sleep disorders, nightmares and PTSD amongst other things.

Contrary to popular belief, sexual trauma is not only manifested through the aversion of sex, but also through hypersexuality and compulsive behaviors. It is thus, entirely possible for a survivor to experience one or both sides of the spectrum at any point during their healing journey. Following the traumatic event of being raped, many individuals will emotionally and physically shut off to anything that may be sexually relevant. Engaging in something as simple as a touch may induce high levels of stress, anxiety, fear and trigger flashbacks. According to a long-term study, 40% of rape survivors refrain from sexual contact for 6 months up to 1 year, and 3 in 4 women reported decreased sexual activity for as long as 6 years after the assault.¹

In a very different way, sexual trauma can be expressed through hypersexuality. As Emily Nagoski writes in her book, “survivors find themselves locked in a pattern of sexual behavior. Their brains become compulsive about undoing the trauma or redoing it differently.” ²  By reenacting the original trauma through the physical act of sex, survivors are taking back control and agency over their own sexuality and bodies. It is they who choose to have sex, with whom and how it’s going to end this time. Sometimes, however, compulsive sexual behavior is a means to to simply feel again. 

As authors Schwartz, Galperin and Masters point out in their article:

“Compulsive sexual behavior becomes a solution - a means of feeling something in the dissociative fog, an experience of perceived control when feeling powerless, an illusory sense of safety. connection and temporary escape from the aloneness…This behavior also produces a high which allows the person to know she is still alive and human when feelings of depersonalization, numbness, emptiness and physical and emotional analgesia pervade.” ³

There is so much more about this topic that I would like to write about and share with you, but I will stop for now. I would like to just end this post by encouraging everyone to think twice before passing judgement on anyone you meet, or to chastise other women in any way that is derogatory or involves shaming them for their sexual behavior. You know but a tiny fraction of their life, of what they’ve gone through, if that.

REFERENCES

¹ Burgess, A. W., & Holmstrom, L. L. (1979). Rape: Sexual Disruption and Recovery.

² Nagoski, E. (2015). Come As You Are.

³ Schwartz, M., Galperin, L., Masters, W. (1995). Post-Traumatic Stress, Sexual Trauma and Dissociative Disorder: Issues Related to Intimacy and Sexuality.